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Official Countdown!

Today officially marks the 5 week countdown until my partner and I pack up and move abroad. One way tickets to Europe booked and there is an airport lounge that hates to see us coming!  This is something we bonded over the first conversation we had and it has been in the works for quite some time now. We've always known that we were never planning on settling down here in the states, but personally for me, there were a few last adventures I wanted to experience before leaving.  I wanted to make sure I saw everything I wanted to see and did everything I wanted to do because I have very little intention to ever circle back..  We will be setting up a quaint little homestead in the countryside where we can be self sufficient planting our own food, having our own animals, making our own clothing, and filling our days with all of our favorite things.  We already fill our days with cooking and dancing around the kitchen and I truly fall more and more in love everyday, but take all of that and put it in a little home of our own, bliss! I love the concept of always being able to start again. We can always reshape our lives and make it an absolute dream, it just takes the simple decision and trust in ourselves to do so. We wanted a long term and sustainable change and we're now having daily conversations like, "what will we name our fruit trees?" and "how many bottles of wine are we getting our first night in our new place?" . . . the answer is 3. We'll do a little tasting of each and then drink our favorite(s).  We don't plan on owning a tv but we do have a little projector that we'll play black and white movies on while we go through our little daily activities.  We'll have records playing in the background while we harvest the fruits and veggies from our garden. We'll have the place mildly messy with collage and fabric scraps from ongoing projects and the smell of incense in the air because the smoke is also absolutely beautiful. There will probably be some flour left on the countertop from the fresh pasta we made for dinner along with a couple of lipstick stained whine glasses and mugs of half drank tea. We have quite the journey ahead of us and I can't wait to document it all in real time!

Let's talk about doing things scared.

Are we ever really fully ready for anything? Definitely not. There's no way to prep and plan for every possible outcome. With that comes all of the questioning, the "what if's" and "can I handle what may come my way?" The truth is, trying new things can be very scary and it's very easy to welcome self doubt into the picture. I am a chronic overthinker and because of the way I travel I have learned to be super adaptable and resourceful because odds are, I'll need backup plans for my backup plans. I always use this analogy of how I used to try and put puzzle pieces together without knowing what the actual picture even looked like. This was extremely helpful for me and I've been relaying this into my everyday life because the second you pause, look at the picture, organize your puzzle pieces, find the edges, and fill in the blank space one piece at a time, you start to see the image unfold. I stopped trying to force things that weren't working and instead allowed things to fall into place where they clearly make sense.  I used to live soooo in my head and I almost had a script and story in my head before anything happened creating this false reality that truly kept me in a box. Now, I can step away from that and take one step at a time, trusting in myself, that each step I take is leading me exactly where I'm supposed to be, and every obstacle I overcome is making me stronger and more prepared for the next level. Growth is constant and not linear. Life can feel very chaotic and overwhelming at times. I learned from Bob Ross to trust the process and watch what happens. 

Steps I'll be taking toward sustainability

With the move coming up and choosing a homestead lifestyle, here's a few things I will be changing about how I live day in and day out to reduce consumption and waste.  Starting off super simple, no paper towels. Instead, we'll opt for rags that we can use and reuse over and over again. Following that up, a bidet in my future home is a must! Not only is it the more hygienic option, but think about how much we will save on tp and how much less we would need! Not to mention it just elevates the overall experience. We will be making our own soaps and cleaning products in general to avoid any unnecessary ingredients and chemicals and we'll use natural ingredients like cedar to make our home smell heavenly. We'll have our own garden where we will plant and harvest our fruits and veggies, along with some flowers for the bees and a compost pile to give nutrients back to the soil.  We are getting our own animals so we can have eggs, pest control, make our own goat cheese and eat overall, more farm to table. Something I have personally had to work on is being more conscious of where my food comes from and what took place behind the scenes for it to end up on the shelves at the grocery store. Eating farm to table will help me build a strong and healthy relationship with food knowing that I planted it, nurtured it, harvested it, and preserved it. I can only imagine how rewarding it will feel to look out my window and see the vibrant colors from the garden and the nature that is my backyard. On a more artistic side of sustainability, I plan on sewing and making a lot of my clothes and decorating the space with only thrifty finds to make it feel charming and homey! Looking forward to playing dress up everyday and running through our own field. Life is about to be oh so sweet!

Major Breakthrough

So now that mother earth is waking back up, the squirrels are back, the sun is shining, and the snow is melting, I too have come back to life. The days are longer, the colors are brighter, and I have just TWO WEEKS until blowing this popsicle stand. Anyways, my breakthrough... I simply realized, I was not using my free will enough. I think mercury being in retrograde also has a lot to do with this as well and has truly shaken things up for me. I've been singing extra loud, cutting my hair, my creative juices are flowing again, finally, and reducing my stress levels to quite literally zero. There's nothing happening, why would I choose stress? I don't know but I have been for a long time and I'm here to say a giant Fuck That. I've held on so tight thinking that would help control my surroundings and potential outcomes when that simply is not how that works. Instead, I've opted for the polar opposite energy and started thinking about everything that could go right instead of wrong. My partner got home from work the other night and I had music blasting, carrot and turmeric juice poured up, fresh pasta dough I had just made resting on the counter. I truly wish I had this on camera. It was so messy and I was having the time of my life. I didn't make the little nest of flour big enough for the amount of eggs I attempted to crack so one tried to make a slimy escape. I was wearing flour and the biggest smile, and while we waited for the dough, we went and explored the 1800's cemetery next door. Nice and spooksville. When we got back inside we cut and folded the dough into little flower bouquets (my little heart.) I made a fresh sauce for our pasta along with a fresh spinach and arugula salad with homemade dressing. This was stupid exciting for me because my partner is a chef and does a lot of the cooking for us, but not this time! Basically my breakthrough was that I was truly such a stress case and I've struggled with letting go of that for a long time and honestly, everything feels right. Although I was doing a lot of these things before, I always had an underlying stress beneath the surface and that is the major transformation here. Enjoying the same activities I always do except experiencing them wholly and presently I'm releasing myself from my own little box I put myself in and living unapologetically from this point on. I feel so much freer and more expansive and I think the universe will align much better with me in this energetic shift.

Warm Lighting

Being a woman feels like warm lighting.. Being in love feels like warm lighting. Being queer feels like warm lighting. Being in tune with both masculine and feminine energies feels like warm lighting. It is the perfect time of day right after the sun rises and right before it sets. Everything feels soft, cozy, and magical. It's this feeling you can't really describe, but it's like someone you love telling you everything is okay. It feels safe and comforting, inviting maybe? Like a film shot and directed by Greta Gerwig. It's like a colorful crocheted blanket you made to make yourself feel held, loved, and celebrated. Early mornings and rising with the sun is beautiful, tranquil, and quiet. Experiencing golden hour right before the sun disappears and paints the sky with the most beautiful array of oranges, pinks, reds, and blues feels so incredibly human. Like we can all collectively pause and admire the literal artwork the universe provides. Spring feels like warm lighting. Being happy and healthy feels like warm lighting. Honoring ourselves mentally, physically, energetically and emotionally feels like warm lighting. Reading your favorite book or watching your favorite show feels like warm lighting. Adding honey to a calming tea and lighting a candle feels like warm lighting. Showing ourselves love and appreciation for everything we do and experience feels like warm lighting. We should be celebrating everything, and I mean everything! That energy is exactly what warm lighting is!

Full Transparency

In the art of full transparency, I struggle a lot with change. As a full time traveler, this looks like moving days being really stressful and pretty unejoyable for me. I love settling into a space and adventuring my new surroundings, that part is the ooey gooey goodness I live for. Repacking my bags and getting from point A to point B is menacing for me. I'm working on this! I know it doesn't need to be as chaotic as I make it sometimes, but as I said, this is truly a work in progress for me. Furthering my point, I struggle a lot with dramatic change, like trying to move abroad and create a new life. I had been counting down the departure date for months before we left. The day before leaving, all of my nerves started getting the best of me. I knew this was my fight or flight kicking in and I was branching out beyond my comfrot zone. I knew I had no intentions of backing out of this plan, but that doesn't stop my mind from playing tricks on me and making me question everything. This goes back to my earlier post about doing things scared. Change can feel a lot of ways and looks different for everyone. I hate when the internet becomes this place of everything being perfect and peachy all the time and the reality gets skewed making it really scary to take steps in the right direction if everything isn't perfect right from the jump. Perfection is unrealistic and having grace with ourselves in these moments is so important. Again, all of this being said because I had a really rough couple days, and now I am updating my website in an airbnb with cows in my backyard. My life feels extremely regular shmegular again and I am back to normal, romanticizing my life again. Rough patches are completely normal and feeling our feelings is what makes us human. This is your simple reminder to be kind to yourself and a little extra kind on days that don't seem to be going your way.

Best and worst days living in a hostel

Before jumping in, I want to preface with the fact that I started solo traveling staying in hostels as a guest bouncing around Bali. First and foremost, I felt my soul instantly revive! However, I did quickly realize although affordable, I wouldn't be able to sustain that lifestyle long-term. So what did I do? I decided to download worldpackers to try a work trade situation so I could live rent free, travel to see new places, and meet new people. I was literally dying to meet new people at this point in my life and had been for a while. Hostels are a fantastic way to travel and meet likeminded people. Connections happen so naturally and so quickly, but another thing I noticed quickly was that the turnover was exhausting. I was meeting new waves of people every 3 days and having a lot of the same conversations, "what's your name?", "where are you from?", "how long are you visiting?" etc.  Again, unsustainable for me. I made a couple friends that I was able to meet up with throughout my travels, but across the board, it gets a bit exhausting. Another reason the work trade situation suited me better, was that the staff remains a bit more constant than guests. I was still able to meet new people every few days, while also having some normalcy of building relationships beyond 3 days. Now let's talk about some of my favorite things about hostel living. I met my partner at my first work trade and we've been traveling together ever since. We started by painting each other's nails, going to museums, and listening to lots of good music while chatting over tea. I love the fact that this lifestyle was the first time I felt a shift like I was finally sitting into a more authentic version of myself. It gave me my freedom and independence. I was no longer following what worked for my friends, I was moving in a way that worked for me. It provided the hard reset I needed and gave me a direction for that time. I've met some beautiful humans, learned lots about the world, and most importantly, I learned lots about myself. On the flip side, there are some downfalls and I have a storytime for you that pretty much sums it up. My worst day in a hostel. Set the scene: it is the morning of my 25th birthday (the night before was perfect. We went to a jazz bar and danced the night away!) But I wake up sick as a dog on my 25th birthday at 7:30 A.M. to start my shift. I make my way to start cleaning the bathroom when my partner joins me at 8 A.M. We have a full hostel flip to do by ourselves (60+ beds to flip) the day after our training ends. We went from having 4 people to flip 12 beds the entire week leading up to this point, to this incredibly harsh reality. We are dreading this and as we are finishing up, we are sweeping when we realize there is literal human shit on the floor. This hostel is 18+, we are all adults, how did you possibly shit on the floor? We are in utter dismay and disbelief and then I stand up and bump my head on the shower rack. All the while Uptown Funk is playing over the speakers and it's not even 8:15. The rest of the day was absolutely brutal as we had a truly unremarkable start, but I feel this story authentically encompasses a truly shit day on the job . As awful as that experience was, it is one of the funniest memories I have and I can't help but laugh every time I tell it. Every experience is one of a kind and truly unique. If you are someone who needs a little adventure in your life, worldpackers is a great option to add some fun, new stories to your repertoire! You can use my code JACI10 for $10 off. It's not for everyone, but if you feel it's for you, I 10/10 recommend giving it a go! You never know where it'll take you and what it will show you. Happy travels!

Rolling With the Punches

Update: plan B is still very much in the works. Operation move abroad and start a new life is still in full swing, but I want to share what that looks like. I am back in the states (much sooner than I expected,) but that's show biz baby! This isn't the first time I've eaten my words and I'm sure it won't be the last. Butttt we found where we want to settle in and call home for the next chapter and that was extremely exciting. We also found an in with a job that also helps with the visa process and housing. The snag we ran into was the fact that they only hire twice a year... and you guessed it, we were there for neither time. The visa process is also a bit lengthy and we needed to circle back because that simply wasn't going to work within the time frame we were legally allowed to stay. This is where adaptability comes into play and when things don't go as expected, it is completely okay to pivot. This does not mean defeat, this is simply a redirection to get to the same end goal. In the meantime, I'm spending my time wisely, working and replenishing some savings, working towards Fae Flows, and enjoying the journey. Good things take time and I am more than happy to be moving toward the cause. Our trip felt super successful overall and you already know I've been celebrating because we celebrate every step of the way over here. Cheers to turning our dreams into realities. Stay cunty friends, we deserve it!

Oop, I had a fucked up morning!

Wow oh wow! What a fucking dumpster fire of a morning I had yesterday. I was experiencing quite a bit of burnout which is where this whole story begins. So I am currently working one job, but I got hired for a second job what feels like forever ago.. it's been almost 2 months and on top of that, trying to get my own business up and going. I'm just putting a lot of my energy into a lot of different baskets and that does not slay at the moment. I finally got my start date for this second job. I had to wake up at 6 A.M., commute over an hour, only to get there and them have not even the slightest fucking clue that I was coming in. They had no way to onboard me, therefore no way to start me on my said start date. I was already exhausted and this was already super upsetting. Now an important part of this story is the fact that my partner is a beautiful little fairy who goes to work with me to drop me off and also comes to pick me up and ride the bus home with me anytime they can. On this specific day, their phone did not charge overnight like they thought. So my partner dropped me off with plans to return to the store when I was supposed to clock out. So my partner drops me off, I walk in all peppy and ready to go, to which I am greeted with complete and utter confusion. So my partner had left, and I left promptly 5 minutes after they did with no way to contact them and no idea how to tell them not to fucking pull up to bfe 5 hours later. They mentioned a couple places they might go so I went searching in the city. After about 2 hours of no contact, thank god, my partners phone turns on and they tell me they are back at home. I debated going home because yes, that makes sense right, but it was my partners day off, they went all over the city with me and I could not bare the thought of them pulling up to a work place that I left 5 minutes after I entered while I'm comfy, cozy back at home. I had sent probably about 20 texts and 20 calls and I was just chillin in the whole foods cafeteria watching my own phone battery die. I would also like to add that I am a very emotional person and that gets incredibly heightened when I'm tired. As soon as I got the call from my partner I literally could not hold back my tears. I was just straight up cryin in the club. Seattle was just happening all around me. I ended up on the wrong bus and had to just take a second and get my shit together real quick. And then as soon as I thought I was fine, some fucking creep walked right by me as I was waiting for my bus transfer and took a photo of me with his camera. I've been getting really pissed off with old, creepy men lately and I've had lots of extremely weird situations in Seattle. Every situation has been unique and I don't know when I'll stop being surprised by it. I've gotten pretty vocal when I feel uncomfortable and I looked at him and said, "That's really fucking weird!" To which he acted like he did not hear and just continued walking by. I immediately grabbed my pepper spray after because THAT IS NOT OKAY!! He didn't even try to hide the fact that he was snapping my photo. This is fresh after a menty b and I felt extremely violated and I am sick to fucking death of men having the fucking audacity. Reflecting back on it, I wish I smashed his camera. Whatever he plans on doing with that photo, I DID NOT CONSENT TO THAT!!  Anyways, I spent my hour long commute home going through all the feels. I literally felt like Lorde crying in the back of an uber lol! But I genuinely felt so much better by the time I got off and was greeted by my love at the bus stop. I promptly took two melatonin and chose to sleep it off and restart my day after. All of this being said, my morning was atrocious, but I allowed myself to feel my feelings in their entirety and didn't give a shit about what people thought. I was able to truly enjoy the rest of my day and get back to my regularly scheduled program and we are ordering a portable charger to avoid any miscommunications in the future. All in all, it is not always rainbows and sunshine and moving forward I'm going to make it a priority to cause a whole scene when I feel violated or disrespected. I am feeling much better now, but wanted to share an authentic experience and encourage others to also step out of their comfort zones when someone has no issue removing you from it anyways. We are powerful and we deserve so much better than that. Stay safe and protect yourself! 

Date your partner.

Today I want to touch on the importance of continuing to date your partner. This should be pretty obvious, but dating shouldn't stop after you bagged a baddie lol. My partner and I have been together for 2 years and trade off planning things for one another at least once a week, if not more. We picked Tuesdays to be our consistent go to, but sprinkle in more pretty frequently. Dates don't have to be extravagant. Last night we did ice cream sundaes and reality tv. Before that we did thrifting and happy hour! We both get paid bi-weekly so whoever gets paid that week plans the date. This has been such a simple way to set aside time that's just allotted for us and allows us to show up and show out for one another. Effort and consideration are quite literally cool as fuck. Things don't have to be expensive to be fun and bring you and your partner closer together. Additionally, throughout the week, whoever gets home from work first typically plans a little somethin somethin along the lines of dinner, massages, or arts and crafts. We like to have something to look forward to and it's super fun and adorbs both surprising your partner and being surprised. This is just a super simple way to continue growing and loving on each other and constantly keeping things fun and fresh. All n all, treat your partner, treat yourself, love on each other and be happy!!

Friends + Community

Now that we've discussed the importance of dating yourself and your partner if you have one, let's talk about community and the important role that plays in our lives as well. We are all just on a floating rock, doing our best in the modern world that quite frankly, has become immensely more complicated than was ever necessary. Life is full of challenges, obstacles, + hurdles which is why life being full of love, friendship, belly laughs, and tears of joy should be equally, if not more present! Having people to relate to, connect to, bounce ideas off of, and simply enjoy each others company is truly magical. As I've entered my mid/late twenties, my friendships have changed quite a bit as we've all moved, chosen paths, and pursued our own hopes and dreams and keeping those bonds strong but almost at a distance was a challenge for me. Allowing the space for them to ebb and flow so we could all grow in the ways we needed to in order to be the people we wanted to be was a part of the journey. I've been lucky enough to have the same best friends that I made back in high school so we've seen each other through it all over the past 10 years. We grew up together, adjusting to life from teens to twenties, slowly but surely heading into our thirties and I hope we are in our seventies drinking chardonnay on a girls trip laughing somewhere abroad about the journey that led us to that exact time and place. Making friends as an adult is a bit more challenging and some of us don't live in places where we feel seen, heard or accepted. Some of us do and that's great, but I'm hoping this can be a safe space for us all to join and find a sense of community. I'm starting a new weekly crafting series that is entirely free. If yoga isn't your thing or maybe just isn't in your budget, there is still a space to connect with like minded individuals and build relationships where queerness is celebrated. Being queer is extremely special and we deserve to celebrate ourselves and others! The concept is bring your own art or craft of any kind, we'll meet weekly over zoom, and we'll meet members of the LGBTQ+ community from far and wide. I can't wait to share the space and meet you all. 

Iconic

I want to talk about how iconic it was growing up in the early 2000's. My first concert was The Cheetah Girls. My 10th birthday was the High School Musical Sing and Dance Along premiere. Kenny Ortega really had a chokehold in this era and I live for it! I was rockin the brown gauchos, platform flip flops, and different color band aids like they were the next thing in fashion! I was making songs, dance routines, and whole ass productions on the playground and yes, I was in charge of casting. I was getting kicked out of neighborhood trees and I treated every backwoods area like it was my own little Bridge to Terabithia. Justice and Juicy was to die for. Britney Spears was on repeat! The Razor phone I wanted so bad, but was too young to have a cell phone. Wow, oh wow! Those were the days! I was just rewatching That's So Raven and realized just how lucky we were to grow up in the era that we did. It's not that all the media was all that good, but it was so authentic! The camera angles are all over the place, sometimes almost shaky, it's so funny, and the vibes are immaculate! I think I'm writing this today because I had a couple mental health days where I felt pretty off and I think I find a lot of comfort in nostalgia. I think I channel my inner child a lot more now than I used to and I think reconnecting with the things that brought me life back then, are still serving now. I genuinely feel like we grew up with flare and taste and a mix of cheesy and cunty. That's a very difficult combination and it's a very fine line. They somehow managed to work in all those components and serve exactly what needed to be served. We were truly so so lucky.

I left my toxic day job

I am super pro quitting a job that no longer serves you . I was working a job that I was making okay money at and helped me replenish some of my savings, but I had a veryyyy long list of issues I was having with this company. I won't go into specifics because that's not what's actually important about this message. I would also like to specify that I am 26 almost 27, and I have been down bad for some companies I've worked for in the past, but after my prefrontal cortex fully developed, I realized I give wayyyy too much to companies that don't benefit me the way I, and my work ethic, benefit them. With this company, the working conditions don't match the energy that the employees are having to put in. Typical right, but there's also this energy of like, "don't say anything" and "be careful what you complain about and who you complain to." And I have been there, done that. That shit simply does not work for me anymore and especially since I'm so nomadic, I've gotten used to getting quick jobs and moving on. Especially in a city with an abundance of different opportunities. I justified this job for a couple months while actively documenting things that didn't sit right with me. The negatives were vastly outweighing the positives and I truly reached a breaking point. I also don't think giving any notice is necessary in workplaces where they do not give any notice before firing or simply removing people from the schedule. If you're in good standing with a company, it's safe to give a two weeks notice, and need a good reference, that's a little different. I didn't need that from this job and it's pretty clear they don't give a shit about their employees. I quit after my shift and as sure as I was it was the right decision, I anxiously wrote out my text while reading it, rereading it, and rereading. When I finally sent it, I turned my phone on do not disturb and called it a night. I actually received a great response and was asked about feedback as to why I chose to end my employment. I gave my key points that I struggled with and went into pretty great detail with examples as to when some of these issues took place. I think it's super important to check in, remember our worth, and stand up for ourselves. We deserve to feel safe in our workplaces. That's quite literally the bare minimum. We spend so much time working for these companies, it should not cost us our health mentally or physically. There is a lot of power in knowing when enough is enough, and walking away from anything that truly does not make sense. I realize not everyone is in a position to quit all willy nilly, but I also don't believe in feeling stuck. We can always make choices to change our realities. I think it's super important to stand on business when it's necessary, even if you have to do so anxiously. It is 2025 and we are actively choosing ourselves!!

Falling back into my body

Today I want to talk about survival mode and finally feeling like I can breathe again. I have been participating in the rat race that is the US and at times it has felt like a storm I could not weather. I have dealt with imposter syndrome, losing my spark, getting it back, losing it again, falling in and out of love with myself, my art, my self expression and my perception of the world. I can't even pretend like it didn't kick my ass because it did. With wanting to build a new life abroad, I took an approach of tunnel vision. I could see my goal, it was right there, but I had to figure out how the hell I was gonna do it.. I gained weight, I lost weight, I didn't have any clothes that felt right on my body let alone in my soul, I didn't spend any money on myself outside of literal bare necessities, I didn't like my hair. I just felt like I would take care of all of that when I get to where I'm going. Surprise, surprise! I burnt out and resented my journey. Things that I initially sacrificed to start traveling full time that felt so beautiful and worth it at the start began catching up with me. I wanted to wear make up again, I wanted to feel pretty, I wanted to feel grounded, and damn... I really just wanted to curate a vibe in my own space and wardrobe that portrays how I see myself. My partner and I were initially planning on fast tracking it to Europe again but ultimately knew it was smarter to pause, think it through, and make the adult decision to push back our departure date so we can take care of ourselves and have a more seamless and stress-free transition. I wasn't stoked about this at first, but after about an hour, I literally felt a weight off my shoulders. My first act of self love was booking myself a haircut and it literally did wonders for my self esteem. I'm in a much better job situation that I am fine sticking around at a little longer. I have more free time on my hands now. I realized how the things that make me happy really did slip away from me as I focused harder and harder on my end goal. I was working most days and didn't feel like I was seeing any results. It was, draining, exhausting, this city lacks any kind of any fucking manners, and I literally felt like my humanity was fleeting. I didn't want to make any friends because I'm leaving, I can't talk openly with my coworkers about my plans because of the clear conflict of interest. I just felt like I was on a hamster wheel, running in place, going nowhere fast and I couldn't get off. I know I am not alone in this and that many of us have experienced this. I personally was so against participating in this economy, and I still feel this way.... however, I do believe wholeheartedly in investing in myself. Book the fucking hair appointment (I got mine done for $25 at a cosmetology school), buy the makeup, buy the dress, buy your favorite sweet treat! Life is too goddam short for whatever the fuck this is. We have to enjoy ourselves along the way. Budgeting is great, but restricting is soul crushing. We cannot forget to actually live and bloom. I've learned a lot about myself through this process and I am oh so happy to be back on my bullshit and see where this road leads me. I'm gonna go touch some grass and so should you. ♡